


they say i'll be okay

by amosanguis



Series: soul-bond/soulmates AUs [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angry Steve Rogers, Heart on the Sleeve AU, M/M, Magical Realism, Non-Linear Narrative, Soul Bond, Thoughts of Self-Mutilation, title from a country song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6228628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve goes into the ice, his heart-color is black, a large and jagged wound striking through the center.</p>
            </blockquote>





	they say i'll be okay

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Over You" by Miranda Lambert

-z-

 

When Steve goes into the ice, his heart-color is black, a large and jagged wound striking through the center that, if he’d had the time, would scar over.

 

-x-

 

When Steve wakes up, his heart-color is a dark navy blue and his scar is gone.

He wants to scream.  He wants to cry and rage and destroy and, luckily for him, there’s a demi-god attacking New York.

 

-

 

“You have everything else of me,” Steve says to the array of reporters gathered in front of his table.  “I’m keep this one thing for myself.”

The reporter, a middle-aged man from one of the local papers, who was already standing, shouts, “That’s not fair!”

Steve’s nostrils flare and he purses his lips and forces himself to clench his teeth together.  He sees the reporter already beginning to wilt.  “Not fair?” he asks.  “You want to talk to _me_ about what’s not fair?”

 

-

 

The punching bags aren’t enough.

 

-x-

 

The first time Steve’s heart-color turned from a dull pink, to a vibrant, _beating_ red – a boy was helping him to his feet, his lip split and his eyes dancing with a wry mirth.

“My name’s Bucky,” he says, his eyes wide as he stands just a shade too close (not that Steve ever calls him out on it – not this time, not ever).

“Steve,” Steve says, shaking Bucky’s hand.

There’s a jolt of electricity between them where their skin touches, and Steve wants to recoil, to run – but Bucky is just grinning so widely that Steve is stuck in awe.

 

-x-

 

Steve screams and punches a hole in the wall before he whirls on Bruce, “ _Then cut the fucking thing off!_ ”

Bruce, to his credit, barely even blinks, just looks sadly at Steve.  “That’s not how it works,” he says.  “Look, whoever your soulmate is, they’re alive—”

“They’re really not,” Steve snarls, forcing himself to stay still.  He knew that Bruce was in control, but there was no point in pushing things.

“There’s a mark on your arm that says otherwise,” Bruce says, his voice so calm and so fucking _gentle_ that it makes Steve want to start throwing things again.

Instead, Steve doesn’t say anything.

 

-x-

 

“I love you,” Bucky says, his lips pressing against Steve’s temple, his arms wrapped tight around Steve’s small, shaking body.  “I love you so much.”

 

-

 

“I love you,” Steve whispers, pulling Bucky close in the dark of the woods.  The other rescued soldiers hovering near, but none of them dared to intrude.  “I thought—”

“Yeah,” Bucky says, threading his fingers through Steve’s, their hearts pressing together, thrumming to the same beat.  “We’re okay, Stevie.  We’ll be okay.”

 

-x-

 

Steve’s heart-color is a deep navy blue, telling him his soulmate was sick, was tired and stranded and lost.

Steve thinks that, if he could get drunk, he’d finally have the courage to carve his heart from his arm. 

He didn’t want it. 

He had no use for it.

 

-

 

“Will you ever tell us who your soulmate was?” a reporter asks, she’s not the same one as before but Steve still feels anger beginning to burn in his chest.

“As far as I’m concerned,” Steve says, he voice tight and his words clipped, “it’s none of your business.”

 

-

 

Steve’s heart is thumping, beating hard against his skin, the color a vibrant and beautiful red like it hasn’t since even before the war.

 

-

 

“Bucky?”

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

 

-x-

 

Steve tries to drown himself in one bottle of whiskey, and then two, and then five.

His arm burns as his heart tears into itself – he and Bucky had been bonded for fourteen years and the sudden absence of the other half of him has left him floundering and unsure and in agony.

(Years later, after he puts the plane in the water and after he wakes up and after New York – he’s left _angry_.)

 

-

 

“I won’t tell anyone,” Peggy says, tears in her eyes as she wraps a bandage around Steve’s heart.  “If this all goes wrong, I’ll let everyone think it was me.”

Steve nods, he’s still numb to everything, and puts his head on her shoulder.  “Thanks,” he finally says.

 

-

 

“There’s no time,” Steve says, his arm burning.  “I’ve got to put ‘er in the water.”

 

-x-

 

Bucky’s left arm is _gone_ – his heart is _gone_.

Steve figures that, after all this time, after all they’ve been through, he’s got enough heart left for both of them.

 

-

 

“I’m your friend,” Steve says, his voice a rasp as he struggles to breathe around maybe-possibly broken ribs.  “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Bucky screams.

“It’s okay,” Steve says, his right hand coming up to grasp Bucky’s metal arm – Bucky may not be able to see his heart, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t feel it.  “It’s okay,” Steve says again.

 

-

 

It takes them time – another war and a faked death and so much lying to those close to them – but, finally, _finally_ , Steve is pulling Bucky in close as he presses his lips to Bucky’s, says, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Bucky says, the cool metal of his arm pressed against Steve’s heart – and, with time, this is just another thing Steve gets used to.  Because Bucky is back – Steve’s heart is bright red – and that’s all Steve needs.

 

-x-

 

Steve looks out of the corner of his eyes, not paying any attention to the hundred cameras trained on him.  “Soulmate?” he repeats as he holds his hand out to Bucky.  “Yeah, we’re fine.”

Then, as cameras flash and people yell their questions – Bucky walks out, takes Steve’s hand, the metal of his arm pressing firmly (warmly) against Steve’s heart.

 

-z-

 

End.


End file.
